the fear of separation...

separation is a huge transition in a person's life....leaving someone,leaving something,especially thing that u like and love is just remarkably cruel....its the most beautifully hurtful thing that one has to bear either that person want it or not...and believe me thats wen u'll feel like the most helpless person in the whole wide world!!because in my eyes,separation comes to us,without us knowing it, without us wanting it, without us believing it..it just comes,breaks the bond, and finally leave two people hanging very near to each other but yet far from each other...very very far...it takes a lot of courage for a person, for a heart, for a soul to go through the separation transition period with a smile outside and tear inside....the feeling itself is enough to break a person apart and to make them feel the world is a non worthwhile place to live in...believe in separation but never believe it can succeed us...believe it exist but never believe it would tear us apart, believe it can happen to anyone, but never ever believe it will happen to us..because i believe the love we have will keep separation apart but will keep us together for the rest of our life....i love you because you're he one trueself i have and i love you because you do not believe in separation like i do...:)...we believe and we dont....

:):)

It’s a beautiful life we’re living in...no matter what we went through, all the sufferings, the problems, the obstacles, but people, it’s definitely a beautiful life. Above all the sufferings, and every other negative stuff that we went through, we never fail to laugh at least once a day, never fail to feel good once a day, nor we fail to smile, even though not to anybody but only to ourselves, once a day. So it is definitely a beautiful life.  but I understand that life is not all about that only. We cant be smiling to only ourselves for the rest of our life. I believe we have to make others smile as well to make it a not only beautiful but a meaningful life. We make others smile, but what about us? We would need people to make us smile and this is when life becomes truly beautiful. The people we meet, who makes us smile, cry, laugh, angry, and everything else, but they are there, with us, in moving through this incredible journey of life that no one single person can be sure we will get it back. I feel that we should be even grateful to our enemies for making our life somewhat interesting. And just imagine friends. They not only give us an interesting life but they give us life, a life that we want to remember forever. Friends are for everyone, for everything, for anything. I’ve always made good friends in my life. Though its mostly girls, as I’m totally surrounded by guys all my life (my bros that is), I preferred girls. :P but I had guy frens as well,with whom I always fight..lol..but I had the best galfrens ever!!i was extremely thankful to God for them and thought they are more than enough for me for the rest of my ife. Little did I know, God has another very very special gift for me, a gift that is going to make me smile for the rest of my life, a gift, which has the magic of carving a smile on my face by just the thought of him.............

only for u my fren for making my life a beautiful one..:)

When i see your lids slowly closing,

When i see the wrinkle on your face slowly relaxing,

When i see the breath of yours and mine becoming softer,

I see a flower blossoming,

And i also see a flower slowly closing,

At that time i see another you,

The child of you,

Tears flooded my eyes and my love for you almost drowned me,

Because at that moment you were not just a child,

You were my child...:)

i can find many frens in my life,but u are the only one who can carve that smile on my face with a simple hello of yours...its just almost like a magic that make me thank God each day for giving me a fren who makes me smile and nothing else....i love you...:)

Frens we are...

He is a fren,he definitely is..and im his fren,i definitely am..but why there is alot of confusion when a guy and a girl become frens..well its normal for people involved in it to be confused bit,as in the guy and gal involved coz they are directly involved in it,and they go through it and evrything..but why is it people outside,third party people are so much confused..their major confusion is are they real frens??or are they lovers pretending to be frens?..theres even studies carried out regarding this situation and studies actually say that,both parties are right and wrong..it says 1 out of 4 frens(a guy and a gal) are actually in love with each other but just simply refuse to admit it and hide themselves behind the mask of frenship. this is posible,im not saying it is not but very thin chance..it is normal for a gal to be very very close with her guy fren and vice versa..because he is ur best fren!!duh!..but the closeness is special compared to the closeness felt between a gal bestfren..and trust me most gals would definitely agree with me..but why is dat so,this is because,btwn a gal n gal theres alwes hidde jealosy and also competition..there would be tiny tiny unhapiness nad more..but that doesnt mean the frenship is not pure it just makes the frenship different with the one between a guy and a gal...wen ur frens with a guy,and wen ur bestfrens with a guy u will feel like ur the luckiest gal on earth..because of the care u get from them is just unlimited..more than ur boyfriend!lolx..but that is the truth..guys love their bestgalfrens..=)..i noe dat pretty well as im one of the luckiest gal as well...but im a little bit worried at how the world would look at us because we're really close..it even caused some distance,bitterness and everything..then i realised that if i were to worry abt the wolrd im going to lose a fren, who like him everyone should have in this world..so no worries bout outside world just the worry abt us..lol..sometimes i do ask myself am i behaving like a fren or more than that even without me knowing..but one will realise it doesnt mater as both are love,unconditional love..=)

him who is a bestfren

i love him not because hes a lover but because hes my best fren...:).....

People

wat da hell kind of people actually exist in this world..the world is going in a direction where there are less humans and more feeling less creatures left in this world!!..what is going to happen to this world...?only God knows..humans are in need nowdays to take special clases to ustand fellow humans so that we atlis wud know who to trust, who is the real fren, who is the mean soul and basically who are they for real..this is the worst thing that could happen to mankind where u dont even know weder u can trust the person next to u.how are we going live in a world where the entire community is full of selfish jerks who only think abt themselves and no one else!!!...we will not survive if go on with humanity says some but a day will come where those people will be in need of others humanity help and when they din get it,dats wen they will realise material world is the most fake thing in world and the world with people with heart in it that matters..i duno weder it will actually happen or the world get destucted before it actually ahppen but all mankind need to stop evrythng for a minute and think about it....to begin with it human need to be human....

Maths & Science in English

wat a decision by the government....its a very much complicate decision...why cant the students leran it english and maths?? wat is so wrong with it??..the world is practicall moving with english and our kids are not allowed to learn basic maths and science in english...wat a decision....watever izit at the end of the day at uni level or wen they're doing form6 they will still have to learn it in english??..so y not start it since young..like the malay saying goes,melentur buluh biarlah dari rebungnya...malaysia is not following this and yet vr malaysians so wats da point of all this peribahasa??...ask any uni students,they would definitely say its better for them to learn it english coz the terms and language(english) in uni is difficult and a very strong foundation is necessary-very much...
i hope the govt will review its decision in this issue...

A tribute to my frens who has been there for me..always....(luv u gals!!)

U you noe wat mel...i wrote this with my eyes filled with tears-both joy and sad after i read ur card for my 21^st bday for God noes how many-th time..first of all all i wana say is i MISS u guys..more than anyone else and anything else in this world..i miss u all terribly gals..and i feel so incomplete witout u guys and sometimes i feel empty without u guys and i feel like im alone sometimes and i really miss u guys..and guez wat i found out dat “miss” is a damn small word coz it never even show or tell wat im feeling insinde but unfortunately this is da best word i can use...i miss everything about us...

us laughing together.....us feeling sad together.....us sharing together....

i miss da laughter....i miss da jokes...i miss us eating together.....going out together.....i miss the hugs...i miss the words...i miss the tears..i miss the smile....i miss cotton candy claud...i miss the books mel...i miss football jen...i miss being u with u all..i miss saying us..i miss saying we all....i miss that life... i miss the love..i miss the joy..i miss walking together....i miss holding u guys’s hand...i miss sitting beside....i miss the word “shyam” by u guys...i miss “ mala” claud....i miss not missing u guys wen we meet everyday....i miss the sms-es...i miss the phone calls...i miss the exam fever together...i miss revising together...i miss the comfort of being together and guys.....I MISS MY BESTFRENS.....i just had to do thid..i had to tell u guys this coz i noe u gals are feeling the same...i met,meet and meeting many people in my life after we separate...most normal people but few are truly wonderful people...great frens they are....especially puva....but gals it never lessen my longing for u guys...its just not the same though they are there...its just no more US there...i want us gals..and i wan it...i wana go back to the time where we’re close...where i can feel u guys here with me...u noe wat gals...bcoz of u guys i never felt the fact dat im da only child..i never felt dat i have no siblings coz all of u are like sisters for me..and i alwes noe that wen im very old u guys still will be with me and i wont be alone dat time as well...u guys are part of me...i grew up with u guys and da fact dat i went to a reunion with none of u there just tore me apart..its been a rough year or so for me separating wih all of u....im so used to facing things woth u gus by my side dat i find it difficult to live...i sorry for being too emotional here today coz u gals noe dat im usually not but i duno i just feel like telling u gals now all these things coz i dun wana regret not telling in future...i hate life for separating us like this..i just hate it....im looking at our pics together now and i feel like jumping into the picture and be there...each one of you means a lot in my life,i hope u gals noe dat...today i realise how deep our frenship is...and i hope it will be forever...i can promise u gals one thing...no matter where i am...who i am...what i am...i will never ever forget any of you till my last breath...u guys made my life...i hope one day wen i am about to live this world,all of u will all be there with me and this are the words that is coming frm my heart....shyam is very much incomplete without mel poh choo yen and jen...i noe u all oso went through alot in this separation period and im sorry i can do nothing but pray to God to give all of you solutions for evrysingle thing u guys are facing and keep the smile on u guys’ face...

BORING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

wat a weekend it has been!!! i have to slap myself fot deciding not to go back this weekend!..boringness is practically engulfing me and i canot take it anymore!..haih...wats here?-NOTHING!..im just bored...super duper bored!....and very confused and very pissed off as well and very duno wat more....well the only good thing is im keeping my assignments on track..a tiny compensation for satying back this weekend..cant wait for fri!!...one week break!!..and im gona work during the weekend sumore!!..haha..its gona be fun!!!

a day which begins with alarm and ends with COCORUNCH.....

what a day!!!! its just WOWWWWWW....
well as usual it begins with my alarm ringing...and had to wake up for malaysian studies...at 7am!!torture!loll...its a torture coz we gals slept too late las night...a normal day,den dr.sudhakaran anounced deres gona be a practical today.."shit!" im so sleepy! i wana sleep!!..so wat we did was after lunch rushed back to room to take a short nap!mind you the class was soooooooo long..dr.sudhakaran practically dragged it!!..den while i was trying to concentrate on sleeping sudenly barath called"hey shyamala.results came out dee"..BOMB!!!! and how on earth am i spoz to sleep afta dat???...den we rushed to practical..feeling nervous like shit!...den had to go through the practical..wat a practical dat was!!! basically tonnes of drawing and he was so particular so had to redo and redo and redo!!!OMG!!!...dahla ppl feeling like thousands of butterflies atttacking my stomach wall every second!,,,then cudn take it,so we practically RAN like mad gals all the way to admin building to see our result jus mins before they close it and in the mid of the class!...resuts were,lets say ok...passed yes but not satisfactory...haih...den class was done but the day wasnt...
we had paper plane competition after dat!!oh my god,alredi so exhausted mentally and physically now had to go for this pathetic competition pulak..damn man!...so we practically dragged our feets all the way to the sporst complex...
well the competition...it was fun actually...we were damn nervous...like hands sweating-butterfly stomach-shaking fingers kind of nervous...at the same time laughing like da craziest gals on earth!!lol..but we did our part and we didn even make a fool of ourselves..puva was the heroine of the day coz she flew all our planes..haha..and we won..........................consolation prize..hahahaha..but atlis it was sumthing...
then when we were walking back...it was a cockroach only a cockroach that passed by puva,but she shouted out loud COCOCRUNCH!!!!hahahaha..........wat a day.. i just wan it to end and go back home tomoro!!!miss papa!!!!......

i , me , and myself......

i did a test in http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx about my personality...found out about this quiz through my bestfren and the result were amazingly accurate...this was the result..

Your view on yourself:

You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

da day not in aimst....

after one damn whole week stuck in aimst finally i get to go out of aimst...it was freakingly good..and we had hell lot of fun..first it was a sort of a great lunch..but it was definitely better or i shud say much better food that we had!!..then it was shopping!!!! we shopped for hours,roaming round n round,not missing a single section of the mall...bought jeans as well!!!!the three of us(me,niva and puva) went on a crazy shopping spree..hehe..though most of it was window shopping..hehe..then,dinner time..and it was pizza for me n puva nad kfc for niva in pizza..lol...and then we just sat there n chatted...about wat..well almost evrythng under the sky and above the ground....and of course that includes tonnes of gossips..hehe..(v'r all GALS for godness sake!!)haha...then,well this is the saddest part..back to kaki bukit jerai:(....but the fun was dere...dats enuf for anotha week....

The Mountain

i read this article by an unknown author in a website..it is really inspirational and i wish to share it with all....

A son and his father were walking on the mountains. Suddenly, his son falls, hurts himself and screams: "AAAhhhhhhhhhhh!!!"

To his surprise, he hears the voice repeating, somewhere in the mountain:

"AAAhhhhhhhhhhh!!!"

Curious, he yells: "Who are you?"

He receives the answer: "Who are you?"

Angered at the response, he screams: "Coward!"

He receives the answer: "Coward!"

He looks to his father and asks: "What's going on?"

The father smiles and says: "My son, pay attention."

And then he screams to the mountain: "I admire you!"

The voice answers: "I admire you!"

Again the man screams: "You are a champion!"

The voice answers: "You are a champion!"

The boy is surprised, but does not understand.

Then the father explains: "People call this ECHO, but really this is LIFE. It gives you back everything you say or do. Our life is simply a reflection of our actions.
If you want more love in the world, create more love in your heart.

If you want more competence in your team, improve your competence.This relationship applies to everything, in all aspects of life; Life will give you back everything you have given to it."

YOUR LIFE IS NOT A COINCIDENCE. IT'S A REFLECTION OF YOU!

omg!!!

haha..God did it!!!haha...i talked to him! i talked to him! GOD IS ROCKINGLY GREAT!!!

I miss him......

where is he? what is he doing? how is he? is he ok? is he sick? is he busy? has he forgotten me?
tonnes of questions running in my mind till i cant sleep! n had to pay a visit o the doc today coz no sleep+tension+stress=fever+headache+sore throat...haih....
wat a complicated,cruel and disgusting life it is.....
i just want one...one single damn word from him saying hes fine!!! am i asking too much..only God knows....let HIM decide...i'll wait..with lotz of pain....

too little...too late....

10th grade

As I sat there in English class, I stared at the girl next to me. She was my so called "best friend". I stared at her long, silky hair, and wished she was mine. But she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. After class, she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before and handed them to her. She said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

11th grade
The phone rang. On the other end, it was her. She was in tears, mumbling on and on about how her love had broke her heart. She asked me to come over because she didn't want to be alone, so I did. As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine. After 2 hours, one Drew Barrymore movie, and three bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep. She looked at me, said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Senior year
The day before prom she walked to my locker. My date is sick" she said; he's not going to go well, I didn't have a date, and in 7th grade, we made a promise that if neither of us had dates, we would go together just as "best friends". So we did. Prom night, after everything was over, I was standing at her front door step. I stared at her as she smiled at me and stared at me with her crystal eyes. I want her to be mine, but she isn't think of me like that, and I know it. Then she said "I had the best time, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Graduation Day
A day passed, then a week, then a month. Before I could blink, it was graduation day. I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. Before everyone went home, she came to me in her smock and hat, and cried as I hugged her. Then she lifted her head from my shoulder and said, "you're my best friend, thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

A Few Years Later
Now I sit in the pews of the church. That girl is getting married now. I watched her say "I do" and drive off to her new life, married to another man. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't see me like that, and I knew it. But before she drove away, she came to me and said "you came!". She said "thanks" and kissed me on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Funeral
Years passed, I looked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my "best friend". At the service, they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years. This is what it read: I stare at him wishing he was mine, but he doesn't notice me like that, and I know it. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love him but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. I wish he would tell me he loved me! `I wish I did too...` I thought to my self, and I cried...

consciousness

so what are consciousness?...it is actually our awareness of our various mental processes such as sleeping,thinking,dreaming,making decision and etc..there are two types of consciousness..the firsr is waking consciousness where it is all the feelings we fell when we are awake...the next is altered state consciousness(asc) which means mental state that differs from normal waking consciousness..im realy interested in asc coz dats wat i do..asc include daydreaming,dreaming and sleeping...people say then when we daydream we express our hidden desires..it is also a beneficial way of relieving tensions..so wat are dreams? dreams are vivid visual and auditory experiences that our minds conjure up primarily during REM periods...REM is the sleeping state of rapid eye movement..hopefully i can remember these facts during my exam..:-)

EXAM!!!!

exams are the worst thing on earth!! what are the real pupose of exam?? all we do is memorise,memorise and memorise and finally vomit it out on the exam day..so whats da point of it??? how does it help us to improve?? change the system people!!!......

my LOveLY LoVeLy NiEce

well everyone will have their own nephews and nieces..i've got plenty of dem too but my most sayang and most cute and most cutest and most closest and most everything niece is da gal in da pix..KARTIGA..vr like best buds..shes my fren n im her best best big fren..we are alwez togeder,even go shopping togeder!! we alwez have crazy things to do like snap crazy pix,which is our most FAV activity,all the time v'll be snapping pix and mind u shes soooo good in posing..better than me!!....shes my cousin bro's daughter and a very smart gal..n our song is-BARNEY!!! i love you you love me we are happy family, with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you wont you say you love me TOO.....everyone would laugh but v'll sing out louD...\
shes starting her kindy this year and she's got herself a BF!! iswar or sumthng like dat..lol..kids nowdays...i just hope dat she'll be my bestbud forever n ever!!! my BABY>>>

Da CLass Which I DIN feLL AsLEEP

My uni looking soo pretty in da mid of early morning mist..well for once atlis it looked pretty...it was an early early day..i had class as early as 8am on dat day..was sooo sleepy entering world religion n learning some boring stuff(shud have been interesting but well da lecturer successfully made it xtra boring) about religions around the world..class ended and i dashed back to room for a quick check on news online and do some facebooking....after dat had to drag myself for the next class which i told myself a definite BORING hour...intro to computer application,and i dun understand a single crap of it! haih....dragged my feet all the way to the third floor of library building to the very the very very the COLD room....me n my frens were late(biasalah tu kan) not to say xcited wana go class oso...but surprisingly lecturer not dere yet...actually we were suppose to have a new lecturer on that day..i thought its gona be Mr.Kurunathan-da laughing lecturer as stated in the course summary..as we were waiting a new face entered da class..he looked like a geek..well no offense but dat was my first impression on him and i thght hes a repeating student or something...coz wen he came in he wen straight to the student desk...then sudenly he went to the lecturers desk pulak...dats wen all da whispers started growing n we knew dat hes actually a LECTURER...i was like..ok hes da new man n but its gona be an old boring class again-how very wrong i was....he started da class introduced himself,fresh graduate frm india did btech, n da moment he started to speak i was wide awake..he was talking with his strongest indian accent dat surprisingly make him cute..wow..im actually saying this out...da class atmosphere basically changed,everyone or i should say especially da gals got kinda excited kinda interested in this new man...we all wanted to listen or atleast i wanted to listen not wat hes got to say but how hes saying it..hes accent i mean..hes a fresh graduate so he noes xactly n let me say this again exatly how to teach students...n i cudn believe da fact dat its his first ever class..he started da class and i started to wake up..lol..his class was so fun...i mean hes got the right approach toward da class and hes got this funny habit of touching his head,he was using words like damn , shit , and da tone of his language was like hes talking to his frens and not teaching...n he adresses da guys dudes...dats definitely cool..well i was awake through out da whole lecture to sum it up...it was a very different type of method of lecturing for me..i mean yea he still uses power point n stuff but he understands da right approach of capturing attention of the audience and he was very very well prepared and he knows exactly wat hes doing which is very very impressive for the first ever lecture...as a just-out-of-college man he still remembers da feel of being a student which unfortunately most lecturers have long forgotten...credit goes to him for keeping most of us awake during da whole lecture,dat is for two days and well too bad for us coz hes da lecturer for us for only two days...hope to see more lecturers like him in future...